Touch...

While in language school, we had some friends that we hung out with several times a week.  Our times together were amazing and the stresses of living in another culture probably intensified the relationship.  We felt loved and loved in return.  The part that I absolutely dreaded was the goodbye each night-- I didn't dread leaving, but I did dread the final hugs that were exchanged.  I would get a big hug from the husband and he'd either say "We love you guys" or "I love you".  I dreaded this exchange.  My body would tense up and I would feel extremely awkward and undeserving.  But over time, this dreaded goodbye ritual became something I looked forward to. My body relaxed and eventually I was able to both give and receive hugs and verbal affirmations and it was great--and that family will always have a special place in my heart.

Now we shift to working and living with Latins.  While not every culture is this way, the Latin culture is very touchy-feely.  And one the best decisions that I made was about 3 years ago when I realized that in order to contextualize love, or express love in a way that they can see and feel, it was necessary to go outside of my comfort zone with words of affirmation and physical touch.

Words of affirmation were never a problem, but when I began to invade their body space (according to my culturally defined parameters), I saw immediate changes.  Now I don't do it with everyone I meet, but those men I have a relationship are frequent recipients of hugs, or I'll put my arm around them as I talk, or I'll walk up to them and place one had on their shoulder and with the other pat their stomach once or twice--and as weird as that picture might seem, it's an immediate, identifiable symbol of affection.  As we converse, I would continuously reach out and touch their arm or shoulder as we spoke to make a point--and you could see the almost immediate appreciation.

All of this was very awkward in the beginning--but not for them.  This is what they do with people that they love.  For me it was awkward, but as the months passed, I came to enjoy this intimate exchange of friendship--I became "one" of them, at least in this regard.

And it makes me think of the Gospels--sometime pick one of them and underline how often it mentions Jesus touching people.  He did it a lot.  What I've also learned is that the many ways I am different than this Latin culture, the many ways that I can trample on it, are more easily forgiven because of this specific, intentional, insiders demonstration of love and affection.